The Worst Phrase in the English Language

“I’m sorry.”

We have been conditioned to say this phrase for longer than we’ve been able to speak.

It starts with our parents apologizing for us.

I’m sorry…she’s been fussy lately.

I’m so sorry that the baby kept you up during the flight.

I’m so so so sorry he threw up on your shirt.

Then our parents instill in us when WE should apologize. They give us subtle clues on how to acknowledge when you are wrong.

Say you’re sorry for hitting your brother.

Tell your mother you’re sorry for using her favorite lipstick on the wall.

Tell the priest you’re sorry for screaming and running up the aisle during church.

But once that ends, it is completely up to us as individuals to acknowledge whether “sorry” is something that we want to say. And because it has been taught to us since we were young, it is more of a reflex than anything else.

There should be a huge difference in “sorry” when someone bumps into you and you spill your drink and the “sorry” that someone tells you when you’ve found out that they have cheated on you for 8 months.

But the phrase is the same.

I think we are probably more “sorry” about the drink spill than the “sorry” for cheating because we actually hurt someone without gaining anything in the first situation. The things that cut deeper, love, friendship, jobs, life…those “sorry’s” that we say to others aren’t as deep because WE have gained something…a significant other, a promotion, a sense “beating” someone.

As much as I hate the new turn of phrase “sorry I’m not sorry,” I think it really sums up the way our culture has moved from one where we actually care about other’s feelings and their prerogatives, to one where it is self-serving and narcissistic.

Sorry I’m not sorry…he’s mine. Get over yourself

Sorry I’m not sorry, I don’t care if your phone is dying, I was here first

Sorry I’m not sorry you’re pregnant, I’m keeping my seat on the bus

I’ve heard a lot of “I’m sorry” recently and I have come to loathe this phrase. Because no matter in what context, I'm still the one getting hurt. Are you sorry? Or are you saying this as reflex. I have to decide…that no, you aren’t sorry.

You are sorry you’re not sorry.