Day 27
I realized today how much I don’t remember about December. I
sort of emotionally blacked it out. It’s a blur of tears, of pills, of sobbing
phone calls. It was a month of loneliness and abandonment from the person I
loved, a month of anger toward God, a month of regret at myself.
I don’t believe in hiding emotions or lying about how I
feel, but maybe I didn’t realize how much I was lying to myself. I didn’t get necessarily how much I needed someone there for me
until I came through the worst part of everything. I think I’m starting to see
how what happened affected me, or at least how it changed my view on societies
perceptions, stereotypes and stigmas. On a variety of things.
As a whole, we are quick to judge those who we
don’t know and crack jokes at other peoples expense without realizing who in the
room is listening or watching. We don't realize who those crass and terrible jokes might really effect.
This past month made me realize how much there is I don’t
know about the people in my life. I have amazing friends who truly love and
support me and will always be there. They listened to me cry for hours, they put up
with my depressing text messages and Facebook status’ without judgment. But on
the flipside, I also realized the person I cared about the most wouldn’t be
there. This person left in the worst possible way at the worst possible time. They
left in the night without so much as a goodbye or a look back.
But this is all character building. The 20s are hard and
everyone is miserable. It’s just a part of growing up and understanding we
aren’t invincible high school kids who can drink a box of wine and pop up the
next morning without a hangover. Life is a hangover—it’s an ongoing one. And
those people who seem to “pop right back up” don’t, they put on a good face and
smile even though things are probably really difficult. Everyone has their something.
Everyone.
