Sing it with me: I'm on a highwayyy to Hana

You know that saying, the one that says it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Well today it was false on both counts. I get it. Nature is green. Water...falls and the road to Hana is farther away from straight than a gay boy.

It was literally the longest 36 miles of my life. Driving took us 4 hours to get THIRTY-SIX miles. Don't drive Hana if you are motion sick or you will be puking your guts out for a very, VERY long time. The road loops and turns, goes up and down, round and round for a seemingly endless eternity. But really it's probably only a mile. The farther along the drive goes, the crankier the driver gets. Almost as if the driver's seat is a Horcrux, weighing down the soul of the user. (I'm rereading the last Harry Potter, so I feel as it is an appropriate reference.)

Our successful trail finding

Sure, there are places to pull over and see...nature. Nina and I started with a lonely hike off of mile marker 5. We hopped a fence and headed down through the bamboo forest. The thick canopy shielded us from the rising sun and the muddy ground made negotiating the slick rocks that was our bridge over a stream a bit more difficult. The hike was supposed to take us to two falls. The first was dry, so it was a disappointment. It took us a few minutes to find the trail to the second falls, and we basically ended up forging our own through more rocks in the streambed. It was beautiful though. And considering what was to come, I wish I would have enjoyed it more.

Lower Puohokamoa Falls

From there we took off to the Lower Puohokamoa Falls. Also one of those places that people don't generally stop at because most don't see it. But it was HUGE and spectacular. From there things went downhill, much like the road.

After a brief detour to buy a 5 dollar loaf of famous banana bread (it was good, but not good enough to pay five bucks for) we headed to the black sand beach. I was so excited for this beach, but did not count on the throngs of people that angrily waited behind our poor little car for me to park. Lilo doesn't drive fast and has a poor turning radius, so don't blame it on my driving abilities. I think that driving one lane roads up and down a mountain more than earns me a few stars on my driving record.

Black Sand Beach

Wai'anapanapa State Park is home to the only black beach in Maui. It's made from lava rocks and has only lasted this long because it is situated in a bay. It's not good for swimming, and because it was cloudy and rainy, it wasn't good for getting a tan either.

The town at the end of this arduous journey is Hana. And there's not much to it except a dead end. So we turned around to hit the Blue Pool which is supposed to be a spectacular waterfall. Guess what? It's now closed to the public. Thanks, out-of-date guidebook.

By this point, my patience for this road was about as short as the amount of straight roads on the island. Thankfully, we stumbled upon Ching Pond. It's a local place. Which is weird, because it's in the middle of the tourist highway. A little hop over a guardrail and down a path leads you to a spring-filled pond that sits at the base of a waterfall. The water is clear and chilly, so cold I got goosebumps beneath the water. But it is beautiful. We shared the pond with only one other Hawaiian family. A father, his 9 year old daughter and her friend. The dad sat and by the pond overlooking the same pond he took a 25 foot jump from in his youth (off the cement overhang that seems dangerously near the rocks below). But now he watched his young children from the side, reading a book and occasionally gazing to see what the kids were up too.

Ching Pond

Those kids were chatterboxes, pointing out to Nina and myself that we were older than them and that I did more of a bellyflop than a dive (which makes sense, since I failed that part of swimming lessons.) Still they showed us the best points to jump off from and how there was a secret ledge right next to the waterfall you could sit on, letting the frothy water spill over you. "It's like a cold-tub," exclaimed one of the little girls.

That dip was all we needed to metaphorically wash away the bad experience on Hana Highway. Word to the wise, unless you love tourists, crowds and driving. Just....don't.